I'm sure there'll be loads of amazing times with him to look forward to, but the thing is that there are a lot of people who love their children dearly and may even love children in general, but just don't deal as well with or don't like certain stages of development. And no matter what the assholes of the world would have you believe, that does NOT make you a monster or a bad mom. Just get through the best you can, in a few years he'll move on to something a little different and I bet your relationship with him will feel more smooth and less trying for you. *big hug*