Entries tagged with it's complicated

I've been feeling especially lonely over the last month or so. I guess because, even though I am "out in the world", going to classes, nothing has changed for me, socially. Nobody is jumping at the chance to get to know me. I even feel like these classes in particular are more lecture and less discussion than I envisioned. I kind of hoped I'd be more social, and that I'd be given more of a chance to do so. But I guess that kind of thing is up to me-however when 90+% of the class is 18 years old, I'm having a hard time picking out the people I might connect with. (I suppose I could start with that 10% that is closer to my age group.) I'm not the type of person to show up to a club, either. So I guess my only limitations are the ones I put on myself.

Classes are going better and worse than I expected. My grades for the astronomy labs last week were posted today and I did quite well. Not sure how I pulled that off or if I'd be able to recreate it. But there it is. I've been obsessively keeping track of my grades and assignments and doing whatever extra credit I can.

I failed a Race Relations quiz. The questions were so weirdly worded I didn't know what to do with them. I've contributed to the message board discussions and been keeping up with the reading though, so I'm getting points where I can. English Lit is going well. I think I'm doing better than I expected in that, too. I seem to grasp the messages in these stories better than I hoped. History is well, dry, but interesting. Quiz on Friday.

But yeah, feeling lonely. It's that time of year where I was so happy last year at this time, that feeling is notably missing now. I was even browsing meetup.com last night. It looked, as I suspected, a little thin. Like, lots of members of groups but very low attendance.

The eclipse was very cool today. We were not in the path of 100% eclipse but it was great to see nonetheless. I took my son to the zoo where they were giving glasses with zoo admission. They only had 90 pairs but we were early enough to get one. I was really glad we did it.

I saw a woman there who looked so much like J I am stilll not 100% sure it wasn't her. She had longer hair, and was skinnier, but I haven't seen her in 9 months, so it completely could have been her. I didn't want to keep staring though, so I can't be sure. LOL. What really made me think it was her is that she recently changed her profile pic (yeah, so sometimes I look to see if she has unblocked me but all I can see is her profile pic on our old messages) and I thought it was a very old pic because she was skinner and had longer hair. So either that was her or I just had that image on my brain and that woman matched the description. Anyway, it was really odd.

Wednesday is my last Public Speaking class. It's a good thing because my professor is driving me nuts. She was late today (she usually is) and kept going on about how she really shouldn't have come in today. I just don't think that is good for morale. I mean she knows what she's talking about, but she is so unprofessional it drives me crazy. Then she was like, so we can do the speeches and then everyone can leave, unless you all want to learn something else? and I guess my poker face wasn't very good because she was like "Oh thanks for the support, Kate." LOL.

I feel like I got an A on all my speeches except the first one, where she gave everyone a B (and I was so nervous anyway), and I got an A on my midterm, so I really hope I get an A. I am taking some more challenging classes in the fall so I could use the boost to my GPA.

Grading has got to be the hardest thing though, especially in something subjective like public speaking. Everyone is really doing their best, I think, short of a couple people who don't seem prepared sometimes. So how do you grade someone's personal best? It's not like studying will help you much in this case.

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