becomingkate | (no subject)

My candle stuff came in! I'll probably work on it this week. My husband thinks I should do little bits at a time, but I'm not sure I can melt just a tiny bit of wax since I only have this giant melting pot thing. But I guess it can't hurt to try.

So my MIL called at 9 this morning before I got a chance to discuss the plans of the day with my husband, and they made plans for dinner. I had wanted to take our son to Boo at the Zoo tonight because we went to a thing at the Y last night but we couldn't find the trick or treating, and my son was bummed out about that.

But my husband made plans for us to eat at the in laws and then we'll have to come home and rush out to the zoo, which annoys me because I like to lie low for a while after dinner instead of rushing out to be somewhere. It helps my food settle better and I'm less likely to feel sick. Plus she is making chicken pot pie which I love but it may upset my stomach. I guess we'll have to see how it goes.

Oh yeah, so my husband got mad at ME because I didn't check his pockets for his fit bit which he loses every chance he gets because he doesn't want to put it in the little clip that comes with it and put it on the waistband of his jeans so it won't fall out every time he sits down.. He says it has to go in the pocket. I don't think so, bud. And don't get mad at me because I didn't check your pockets after you already chucked your jeans in the hamper. You're not a child.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He's not even mad at you, he's mad at himself, but he's being such a child about it that he's putting it onto you so he doesn't have to deal with it. Tut tut, big baby!

It sucks when people make plans without consulting the other people the plans involve. I'm really sorry he spent the day being such a butt.

Looking forward to hearing about how the candles come out! <3

I'm not impressed with his behavior lately. It's made me rethink our entire history, to be honest.

The plans ended up going fine, but I just wish he'd talked to me first.

I won't like totally disparage him or anything because I get how it is when you need to vent and I know I'm not seeing a complete picture of things here in internetland but I dunno, with how consistently you've been unhappy and most of all with your ongoing frustrations with your son... I'm kind of starting to suspect the one who needs therapy is hubby.

Not that I'm saying he's off his rocker but just, it sounds like he's got anger management issues he's not dealing with, and frankly I think that might be what's rubbing off on Junior. Seeing how Dad treats you DOES have an impact on how he treats you- he's going to model that behavior. If getting frustrated and deciding his feelings are everyone else's responsibility is how Hubster rolls, I can't see how your son wouldn't watch that and pick up on it as a way to behave himself. By all accounts it sounds like the kid's no dummy.

Just food for thought. I think this dude needs to learn healthier ways to cope with things because he's setting himself up to fail as it is, and he'll drag you all down with him by the looks of it and blame you as he goes. :P His intentions at this point are not as important as results, and these are the results. He needs to get his shit together.

I've been realizing that he is the one who's screwed up, too. I mean, I'm screwed up, but it's not just me. I know it's not. I feel like if I call him out on things, then I'm being a hypocrite because I know I also don't handle things well sometimes. And then he'll say he doesn't have time for therapy or if he does go to therapy I'm afraid he won't be 100% honest because he doesn't see anything wrong with how he does things.

It's very hard to explain what's wrong with our relationship but I know that pretty much every time I interact with him I get the opposite result from what I expected/hoped for and I don't know if that's my fault or his or both. Like am I being unrealistic in my expectations or he is off base with his reactions?

You are not being unrealistic, he's been acting like it's up to you to do all the work-- relationship needs fixing, your job, kid needs fixing, your job, you need fixing, your job and never mind he married you he won't be providing active support.

No I'm sorry he agreed to make a family unit with you and add a kid to it, he needs to pull his motherfucking weight, and that means emotionally too. Children have behavioral and emotional needs and whether he likes it or not they learn by observation and mimicry as much or more than by things we actively teach them.

If he doesn't have "time" for therapy he better make some. If he keeps refusing to address any of his behavior, I would take a week and take your son and go somewhere just to get a breather, and think about options. I know that is probably really impractical but hanging around endlessly to die by a thousand paper cuts won't work in the long run either. Trying to ascertain who is the most of the problem so that person can be the family scapegoat and everyone else can slack off on dealing with issues is only going to make all of you miserable and that's his current idea for dealing with this-- doesn't matter if that's not what he thinks his idea is, that's what he's doing so that's how he's handling it. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, you're a family and it's your joint responsibility, and he's supposed to be a grown-ass man with a son and he isn't doin' the do.

I'm kind of mad at him, obviously, heh. But seriously though, he's acting a right prat and he's going to fuck that poor kid up and what's worse he's going to fuck you up inside and dammit no way! I'll cut off his toes. He needs to grow a pair of ovaries and woman up, since being a man about it obviously isn't doing him any good HAHAHA.

You can run away and come live with me if he doesn't straighten up, I'm intimidated by kids a bit but we'll make it work until you get your feet. ER, this is providing I ever get a place of my own but fer fux sake.

Edited 2013-10-22 02:15 (UTC)