becomingkate

 Because I know you all love hearing about our arguments!

On Tuesdays I have to pick up my son from school so he'll be on time for karate.  We come home and he has a snack and changes into his uniform and we go.  We get home around 5:30.

Last week it was nice. When I came home my husband was already preparing dinner, so I thought cool, he'll think to do it again.  I was starving and my husband had said he wanted fish sticks (yes, he eats like a child sometimes) so I figured he would start them before we got home.  I got home...nothing.  I asked him when he got home, because I thought maybe he had just walked in the house.  4:15, he said.

I was pissed! He came home and bummed around for an hour and a half and didn't think to start dinner? "I thought we were having meatballs," he said.  Ok, we had discussed having meatballs, but I thought we decided on fish sticks.  Did you check in the fridge for meatballs? "No."

He said, he just wanted all of us to eat together and since he thought we were having meatballs that would just take a couple minutes to warm up, he didn't get anything started.  But he didn't even look to see if I had made meatballs.  And of course it was my fault because I didn't call him to tell him I didn't make meatballs.

Oh, my bad.  I texted him instead.  But he gets so many useless texts from his coworkers (they all come in to his phone even if they aren't talking to him) that he missed mine.

I told him that he was acting like a child who needs step by step instructions on how to look for food and prepare something.  The one day I can't be home to make dinner, he can't cover for me unless I practically do it for him.  This is why I'm teaching my son about food and cooking.  So he'll actually think of it when there's not somebody there to hold his hand.

So I made miso soup for my son and me that took five minutes and left him to wait for his fish sticks for 20 minutes. :P
He's so bent on "doing things together" that he sits around, hungry, waiting for us to all eat together, and doesn't even bother to make sure there's something ready for all of us to have.  And yet when we want to go out and do fun stuff like Halloween events or projects at the craft store we have to drag him out the door because there are "better things to do".

Side note: a friend commented that I sound frustrated whenever I post here.  It is true that I'm frustrated a lot, but not all the time.  I mean yes, I am perpetually frustrated, LOL.  But most of the time it's just humming in the background.  When I'm really pissed, I vent here.

On a bright note, I have a crush on my son's karate teacher.  He said hi to me yesterday and it caught me off guard and I'm pretty sure I blushed.  Hahaha.  I'm such a dork.

 Just realized that my vegetarian/vegan friends/friends who hate fast food were probably throwing up after the food descriptions in my previous post.  Sorry about that!  

I was happy to see the e mails coming in that some of my candle supplies have already been shipped.  Ordered a couple things from Lush, too, but haven't heard anything about that yet.  I wanted to get more than I did, but I felt bad because 1) we're low on money already and 2) there is a Lush store a half hour from me.  I just hate driving to and from there because it's in a giant mall with the parking garage from Hell.

So, one irritating thing my husband does is this: after we've said goodnight and rolled over or assumed whatever positions we do, my husband falls asleep. (wait, that's not the irritating thing)  He falls asleep pretty fast.  It takes me a long time to fall asleep (at least 20 minutes, usually longer).  It never fails that if I move or roll over after he has fallen asleep, even though I myself may be half asleep or all the way asleep, he wakes up and TRIES TO HUG AND KISS ME AND SAY GOODNIGHT AGAIN.

This would be fine if he wouldn't wake me up all the way. Just a quick kiss and roll over, I can deal with that.  But he's like "Goodnight Kit" or whatever he says and if I don't respond he gets all butthurt.  I am tired of being woken up every night.  If I could fall back asleep quickly I wouldn't mind either, but it takes me another 20 minutes or more to fall back asleep!

Last night I just knew it was going to happen.  I was half asleep.  He was asleep, holding me and I can't sleep like that for very long, so I moved to roll over and I felt him wake up and move.  I mumbled "I'm asleep" because I was close enough that I knew if he woke me up all the way I'd have a hell of a time getting back to sleep. He was like, "I can't even get a kiss goodnight?" and by then I was all the way awake and I reminded him that we already said goodnight and that he had already fallen asleep.  He was all mad that I didn't want to wake up and say goodnight again.  And then it took me half an hour to fall asleep again.

I am so tired of this happening!

I mentioned that when I start getting into making candles that I wanted to make a skull that has red wax in it so that when you burn it, the wax melts out of the eyes. Like this one:


So we went to a Halloween store today and I caught my husband checking out the skulls :D He has made resin models before so he said he could help me make something like this.  I guess I could make the skull from wax and cut out a space for the red wax? I don't know.  I'm sure there's a tutorial online somewhere of how to make them.  All we need now is some money...Dang it, I'm never going to get this thing rolling before all the awesome fall/winter holidays!

Happy fall equinox everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying their pumpkin, cinnamon, apple, squash, etc. flavored things.  I've been doing some stuff with candles and trying to teach myself how to meditate.  My problem is I can't get my mind to shut up and I haven't liked any of the guided meditations I found online.  I found one woman who does a lot, but she sounds like the minister at the UU church I left.  LOL.

I made stuffed peppers for my mother when she came down yesterday and they came out great.  I was worried, as I always am when I cook for others.  But they were delicious if I say so myself.  The best recipe that works for me is the same recipe I use for my meatballs.  Basically a lb. of meat, rice (as much as you like but I think I start with one cup raw rice, cook it and add all or most of it) one egg, a piece of bread soaked in milk, garlic, salt and pepper and Italian seasonings.  I cook that mixture together and I stuff the peppers and top them with a litte tomato sauce.  Cover with foil and bake for 50 minutes at 350 and top with cheese--I used fresh mozz, but you can use anything you like.  Broil it for a few minutes to melt the cheese and that's it.  I made a nice salad with the rest of the cherry tomatoes from the garden, the rest of the fresh mozz and some basil, on top of a lettuce mix and with an apple cider vinaigrette.  

Warning, if you look up to me in any way you might want to skip this one because I'm on a rant mode today and I may hurt some feelings!

Oh my god was yesterday crazy.  First as usual my husband was acting completely out of it, I don't know what his problem is but he always acts like this around holidays and it completely ruins things.  I want to spend time with my family but it's a huge embarassment to bring my husband who actually pretends to like playing with our son just so he doesn't have to talk to anyone.  Sure, I understand anxiety but I wish it would just go away.  I get the insensitive award of the year.  But I don't care.  Holidays are completely ruined and I think next year we won't visit any of my family just so we don't have to deal with it.  It's just another step in the process of my husband and me growing further and further apart.

Also, our dog got an ulcer in his eye and needed ointment 3x a day so we had to bring him to my dad's house.  Unfortunately one of my stepmom's sisters is allergic to dogs so our dog had to stay outside.  It was a nice day, until it started getting dark, then my husband brought him out to sit in the car and warm up for a while (yay, another excuse to not talk to anyone!).  

Lastly, the turkey was done about 3 hours later than we expected.  When I got there it was already out of the oven and they proudly announced it was done after 3 hours!  Let's see, 20 lb. turkey, that should take about 5 hours.  Hmm.  I didn't want to say anything, what if it was a skinny turkey with a lot of bones?  LOL  Plus we had to make just about everything vegan because there was one vegan girl.  Again, I understand.  But why couldn't we make a separate batch for her?  The stuffing was that box stuffing (plain, not chicken flavored or whatever) with water added to it.  Mmmm.  She made vegan mac and cheese and vegan spanakopita and some kind of vegan peanut butter and chocolate dessert.  Can someone explain to me why vegans can't eat real peanut butter?  (is it because of the rat bits in it? No, seriously. Or is it bugs?  Anyway.)

I'm annoyed because they didn't even need me to be there in the first place- my dad invited us in the first place because he just had shoulder surgery and he claimed he needed help.  They didn't ask me to do a damn thing while I was there.  I stood around with a barking dog outside, an uncomfortable husband and a son who was all over the place for 2 hours before anyone even got there.  And three more hours while my stepmom's family avoided me and my family because really there's nothing to talk about with me, who's not working and doesn't have any great hobbies and a husband who doesn't want to talk to anyone.  Josh monopolized the day, honestly.

At the end of the day he threw an enormous fit and we left in a hurry and left my cheesecake there, which came out excellent, I got many requests to make it again, and I am so relieved because that was the first from scratch cheesecake I've made in my life.  It is super easy and doesn't even require a mixer like most of the recipes I found.  I made it in a pie pan, but you could use a springform, too, probably.  http://www.momswhothink.com/cheesecake-recipes/oreo-cheesecake-recipe.html (also I made the oreo crust from scratch by grinding up some oreos and adding melted butter until it could be molded to the bottom and sides of the pie pan)

I hate to come across like a big bitch but I'm tired of having crappy holidays and if I'd known it was going to be this bad I would have married a more family-oriented person.  I know, again, my fault.  But I'm actually already dreading Christmas.

To top off everything else one of my online friends has been unreachable since Thanksgiving and she was in a fairly desperate mood the night before Thanksgiving.  I and a few others chatted with her for a while and I went to bed and found out later she'd basically cut off all social media forms of reaching her and also hasn't been reached by text.  So far haven't found anyone who can call her.  

So, back when I told my husband we were going up to my dad's for Thanksgiving he said "I want to have a good Thanksgiving with you guys" so I'll be making Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. I already got the stuffing and cranberry sauce out of the way.  I think I'll go bake a pie now.

My husband has made a proposal that I lose 5 pounds by some day at the end of August (the 27th I think) and I get a reward.  Now, I don't think it's fair to not know what the reward is!  But I guess it's beside the point.

I don't really know what I look like on a consistent basis because we have no full length mirrors.  So I guess that makes it really easy to get fat without knowing.  I was pretty skinny all through high school.  It was when I moved out the house, didn't get salad and other healthy stuff every day, stopped having to drink milk and was finally able to drink soda to my heart's content, that I gained 30 lbs.  I lost it, then I had my son.  I was skinny even after I had my son.  But I started eating badly again.  I guess a few months of heartburn turned me off to eating, and then losing that heartburn the minute I gave birth made me want to devour everything under the sun.  But I think I developed a real problem.  I will go into the kitchen knowing I need to eat something healthy.  And I'll start off okay.  Plain tortilla chips, fine.  Ok but they need a little salsa and sour cream, and a little cheese to balance it all out.  And before you know it I have a leaning tower of nachos.  But I don't even realize it.  I devour it and think, oh crap.  That wasn't good for me, was it?