becomingkate

I couldn't wait to weigh myself today and at the same time I was anxious about it. What if all the extra walking and the spin classes weren't making a difference? To my relief, I lost 4 lbs. I mentioned I had my period when i weighed myself last, so I think a couple of those lbs. were water weight and normal fluctuation, but I do think I must have lost at least a lb. for real. I had a feeling it would make some kind of difference, because the way I was eating and having a nearly sendentary lifestyle, I was maintaining my weight. So I figured if I upped the exercise it would have to help.

I have another spin class tomorrow. It's been hard with my school schedule and my son's schedule to work them in because they are either very early morning or late afternoon. But when my son is done with school it will be easier.

Today I have the meeting about the internship to see where I can get matched to. I'm a little nervous because I don't know exactly what I want to do yet. But this will hopefully help me find out.

My son learned how to rollerblade over the last couple days. He was invited to a party at a skate place and I asked the mom if there were other things to do because my son doesn't know how to skate. She said there was other stuff like laser tag and arcade games. So he decided to go. Turned out everyone else wanted to skate so he strapped on some roller skates and tried them out. Then someone told him rollerblades were easier so he tried those, and picked it up pretty easily. He even wanted to go back the next day! So he tried to get a couple friends to go with him, and they were busy, so we went alone. He loves it!

I was afraid he wouldn't even want to try, but that was my fear coming through. I never learned to skate because I'm terrified of falling. My mother tried to teach me to ice skate and I hated it. I'm so proud of him for trying it and sticking with it. He wants his own roller blades already, but we live on a hill so I said once he gets really good at it maybe we'll think about it.

Crossposts: https://becomingkate.livejournal.com/274491.html

Finals are officially done! And now, we wait.

I went to see my son get his Math Olympiads certificate this morning and then I went to his classroom because the kids were showcasing projects they had been working on. My son and a classmate demonstrated lattice math, not sure if this is a common thing in schools these days or just a special thing my son wanted to do, as he is obviously into math. I think it was pretty interesting, it involves putting the steps of multiplying big numbers into a grid and coming up with the answer more simply than doing long multiplication. It was pretty cool! Although I'm all mathed out, lol.

After that I came back and went on the treadmill. I am addicted to this Fitbit. I really enjoy working towards my steps goal and also seeing how I slept. I'm a little dubious about the heart rate tracker, it seems inaccurate sometimes. But I'm really most concerned about doing more steps overall and that seems to work. I signed up for another spin class tomorrow so it will be interesting to see how the Fitbit tracks that.

Crossposts: https://becomingkate.livejournal.com/273794.html

We went to Vermont a few days ago for a couple days-it was fun. We did a lot of touristy stuff and went on a walk at one of the state parks. It went better than previous vacations because our son seemed to have a better time. He was still grumpy a good bit of the time but there were some highlights.

I guess overall things have been better but I have been really down lately. I'm just not as sure of myself as I was just a few months ago. I'm not as motivated at school, I've lost touch with pretty much everyone in my life, I don't feel good about myself intellectually or socially, I just feel like I'm having a big identity crisis.

I feel like I'm just a big downer.

I have a cold, it snuck up on me a few days ago. It's weird, I'll be feeling okay and then all of a sudden I can't breathe. Or I was fine all through class and then I went to math tutoring and couldn't stop coughing, probably making my tutor wonder why I bothered coming in. I swear I was functional earlier. By the way, the tutoring didn't help. I had a quiz review I just wanted to go over and she insisted on re-teaching me the whole section in a more confusing way, and making me write down vocabulary words and definitions. I get it she is helping me learn these things long term, but I just want to pass the quiz.

We went to see how our son did on the standardized testing they do every other year at my son's school. We know he does really well academically, it's just interesting to see which areas he doesn't do as exceptionally. This year it was punctuation, lol. I looked at his results from 3rd grade and it was capitalization. I think that is a result of the technology age we are in. Even adults don't use proper grammar or punctuation and yet I think that is more important than say, how well you do math.

I think we are just at a loss as to what to do with him. He is so ahead academically, but still needs so much help with organization, routines, basic skills. I see so much of us in him. It's an interesting combination.

So my husband took an interest in our IQ's after we had a recent re-evaluation of our son. My husband found an IQ test online that may or may not be accurate. I know you should really go to a licensed tester and get the real deal but not everyone has thousands of dollars to spend on that. So we took this online test and found that we both are also above average IQ. I'm of the mind that it doesn't really change anything, at this point. Colleges don't look at IQ. Work doesn't look at IQ. I'm glad we found out early with our son so he can make his schools aware of his potential and they will hopefully challenge him. But what can adults do? My husband is of the mind that he should be using that potential, but I think that for every gifted person who uses that potential for leverage, there are many gifted people who never had any privilege, didn't go to private school or an elite college and still had a happy life. But I also understand wanting the best for our son and wanting him to use that potential to his advantage. And yet do we groom him to get into an elite high school and an elite college? Or follow his lead and let his interests and skills lead the way?

I think he has really grown this year. He used to stay away from sports; this year he did basketball and track and field. He joined Math Olympiads again, and did a couple other elective activities. I'm happy to see him so well rounded. I was concerned with the amount of time he likes to spend on the computer and other screens. I still am concerned at times and I wish he didn't have to use a screen for activities that "when I was a kid" you didn't need a screen for. But I don't want to be one of those parents who's stuck in the past. Technology is our present and future and it's a plus to be proficient in those skills, which he is. Overall I know I bitch about him a lot but I'm very proud and so excited to see what the future holds for him.

Crossposts: https://becomingkate.livejournal.com/272220.html

It's so funny watching movies from when I was a kid. My son and I watch Groundhog Day yesterday. I really appreciate Bill Murray's talent-I love his dry wit and sarcasm. Groundhog Day was not as "fun" as I remembered. He's stuck in this day for who knows how long-and that's something I really didn't catch onto when I was a kid--just how long was he stuck in this day? He knows everyone in town, one person thanks him for fixing his back and calls him "Doctor"...was he really stuck in that loop for like 8 years? (and yes, if you are a Doctor Who fan, that's nothing...) Also when he figures out that he relives this day no matter what, he tries to kill himself in a number of ways...a sort of dark turn that must have gone over my head when I was younger.

Also, I feel really bad for him having to sign up for insurance with Ned Ryerson every day for years. LOL. If you think about it, it must be pretty nightmarish to know so many people closely like that but they have only known you for a day. Sounds lonely. I suppose I am overthinking it.

I only remembered that he was trying to win over Andie MacDowell by learning what she liked and pretending to like it too. I thought, as I was watching, gee, this is a terrible message. I completely forgot (spoilers!) that he ends up bettering himself and winning her over that way. I gotta say, it completely inspired me.

For anyone who was wondering how we fared in this winter storm, we never lost power, although it flickered all night one night. Roads are still pretty rough today. I drove my son to a playdate on Friday or Saturday and it was awful. Thankfully it's actually in the double digits today (high 20s!) and the road my son's school is on, which was treacherous yesterday, was actually not bad this morning.

My son has his first basketball game today and he's really nervous. I feel bad. He kind of got guilted into joining the team. Coach kept asking him and he was non-commital but finally decided he wanted to try. I tried to comfort him but there's really no getting him out of his own head sometimes.

Crossposts: https://becomingkate.livejournal.com/267255.html

Woo, that time of the month is kicking my butt. Once in a while it gets so bad I have to take a day off from whatever I'm doing. Usually in the early morning. Unfortunately today is that day and that means I'm missing a class. But I'm being responsible and I already emailed the professor. I have a meeting at my son's school this afternoon, but I should feel a little better by then.

Astronomy is also kicking my butt. I just don't grasp the math, mostly. But I'm trying to keep up. This week's class was relatively painful but I still bailed early because we were going to the lab to work on stuff that I could do at home. So I'll probably have to check on that today.

So the school meeting. All kinds of shenanigans are going on this year. Someone is stealing gym clothes, my son is being bullied by someone he was sort of friends with last year and kids are inappropriately using their school laptops. I mean, you give kids laptops and what do you think will happen? But this is like...crazy level inappropriate.

It's a whole new territory because of course we didn't have laptops growing up. We didn't have any portable device with the world at our fingertips. The worst things we had were Discmans and, well, drugs. Ha ha. Can't wait for that to come up.

I was naive in thinking a private school would be any better with these issues. Kids are kids, rich or overprotected or not. Still, I thought fewer kids = better supervision.

Seriously, didn't people learn in kindergarten to keep their damn hands off each other? (This comment is stemming from recent sexual harrassment allegations, but works nicely with the bullying going on at my son's school, too)

Crossposts: https://becomingkate.livejournal.com/263736.html

I really almost walked out this morning. After sleeping with no covers last night, because my husband likes to cocoon, and being kept up by his coughing, because he refuses to take medicine, I woke up my son at 6:30. He's supposed to be setting his alarm and getting ready for school himself. He was all excited about taking responsibility at the beginning of the year. It lasted for about 2 weeks.
So I woke him up at 6:30, and went downstairs. At 7, he was still upstairs, so I went up and woke him up again. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" he asked.
He was irate because I wouldn't help him get ready. He was fine. He has 30 minutes of extra time because he can get to school any time between 7:30 and 8. He just prefers to get there closer to 7:30 to socialize.
So I am the worst mom ever because I don't save my child from himself, I was cold all night because my husband has no concept of how a blanket works (he literally whined in his sleep when I pulled the blanket edge over myself, so I adjusted the blanket for him and covered him up like a child), and I'm realizing, I live with two people who make me feel like shit most of the time. And I just pictured myself saying you know what? I'm out. And just driving away and renting out a hotel room or something.

Here I am going to copy and paste the story of the DIY fidget spinner just to present an idea of what it's like around here every day:

My son wanted to make his own fidget spinner today, and he was so excited, but I already saw disaster coming. First he had 4 bottle caps that were slightly different, so it wasn't balancing out right. Then we couldn't find a glue that dried quickly and he asked me to hold it while it dried. We were using super glue that kept getting on his fingers, and he would go over and scrub his hands in the sink every time he got some on his skin. When I said it was fine if he puts it down on some paper he had a fit because it would stick to the paper. Then he was furious with me because I wasn't doing it right. I asked him to pull up a picture of a fidget spinner so I would know exactly how to put it together and he screamed at me that I should know what they look like because he has some and I have bought them for him. I said I'm sorry, but I just don't keep what a fidget spinner looks like in my memory bank because it's not crucial for me to know and I never use them. So at this point, he gave up because I wasn't understanding him and I pulled up a picture of a fidget spinner and put it together. Then he painted it and I went over later and there was paint on the wall. I asked him to clean it up and he screamed at me that I should do it because I'm the one who saw it. He did a half hearted job and was appalled when I asked him to scrub the rest off, please. So you see why we never do arts and crafts around here.

Crossposts: https://becomingkate.livejournal.com/262771.html

My son got his class and teacher assignment, finally. He is getting the newly-hired 5th grade teacher and he's not terribly close with any of the boys in his class. He's not with his best friend which he's bummed about, but I do hope that not being so buddy-buddy with his classmates will help his focus.

I hope he doesn't get too discouraged with this placement. I hope that the new teacher works well with him.

Meanwhile, I also looked up my professors for the Fall, (ratemyprofessors.com is an awesome website) and it looks like the only one that might be a challenge is the astronomy. There are some funny reviews though, like "OMG I had to show up and study for this class" LOL. I'm a bit worried because a lot of people said that there was also online work for the astronomy class. But we will see. I have a pretty light schedule, with two weekdays of no classes at all, so I hope that will allow me the time I need.

I went back to Toastmasters last night and signed up to be a member. I'm a bit nervous but I think it will really help me. Last night was a comedic speech competition. Two guys from the group went and they were pretty good. I think it is hard to be funny during a rehearsed speech. I have no idea what I'd talk about.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/260953.html

I got a call earlier today from my son's doctor. He has an appt. today and they were calling to tell me that the person we signed up to see (there are a few doctors and NP's all from the same practice there) wouldn't be in. They reminded me that they sent out a letter in November saying I needed to reschedule, which I obviously forgot about. What I wish is that someone had followed up with me sooner. I'm especially irritated because my husband took a call confirming the appointment a couple days ago.

So now we have an appt. at 11 with a new doctor whom we've never seen, but I didn't want to reschedule because I've been needing this appt for months. His birthday was in November and they couldn't fit me in until now. His behavior is driving me up the wall, and our relationship and interaction always being at odds is hurting his quality of life as well.

Also, I forgot that my husband has tomorrow off, because he has Mondays off and because today is MLK day he gets Tuesday off in observance of that. So he'll be home during my interview tomorrow which I still haven't told him about. I mean it's ridiculous that I haven't told him yet, but I kind of have this superstition about talking too much about something I'm working towards. I'm afraid I'm going to jinx it, but I guess if that were true, it would already be jinxed because I announced it in my journal.

*sigh*

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/107255.html

I was just in the office and the phone rang. It was my husband asking me to check when the milk expires, because he feels like crap. I walked out of the office, and BOOM, it's snowing. LOL. I'm really glad I ordered boots for my son from zappos just now. They should come in tomorrow.

The milk has not expired.

We went to my son's Christmas play last night. It was really cute and they did a great job. I didn't really like the story-it was essentially about a moose who wanted to fly and how Christmas is the time of miracles and in the end he did fly. Like, really? I was hoping it would be a message of "everyone has a different talent and well, moose can't fly, but maybe you could be a really good runner or something". But no. Miracles. Okay then. Not to mention the songbird who couldn't sing throughout the whole show and then all of a sudden she could.

I mean yeah, it's first grade. It's not going to be a great story, LOL.

So I feel almost back to normal now, a week later. In a day or two I might actually feel like walking on the treadmill again. I'm afraid to look if I even lost weight, because I didn't have an alcoholic drink for the past week and that meant I didn't snack like crazy either, but when I did eat, I probably didn't make the wisest choices. I had this weird hope that I'd lose a bunch of weight, but that's unrealistic.

I watched OUAT today (no spoilers), and I gotta say I really like the switcharoo that's going on. I'm sad that it probably won't last long because it's nice to see them in these completely opposite roles.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/101925.html

The more I think about my son's school the less happy I am about it.
Things that have peeved me off:
How the bomb threat was handled
How the secretary handled me when she called to ask for info on the girl my son was getting off the bus with that afternoon. She criticized me for not knowing the girl's last name, instead of dealing with me kindly and getting the information she needed. I mean if I tell you the girl's name is _____ and she's in my son's class, isn't it pretty easy to narrow that down, and don't you have her last name in your system? Do you really have to chew me out instead of spending that energy to just, I don't know, look it up for me, and maybe tell me what it is so I know next time?

Their unclear letters about upcoming events. I have gotten letters about things that we've been to, that have not been like they were described in the letter home. There was a gift bazaar a few days ago that said there were going to be volunteers to walk with your kids and help them pick out some cheap gifts for their family. I ended up spending 25 dollars on two bamboo plants and having to look away when he bought me a necklace because I saw no volunteers who could help him buy me a gift. I get unclear directions on how to sign up for things. Plus we get a thousand papers home every week. I love seeing my son's work but I really don't need to see every math sheet or every handwriting practice he ever did.

The report card system: they sent a letter home about reports cards being ready yesterday and gave an e mail address for troubleshooting. I was unable to log in to the report card page so I sent a message to the e mail which immediately sent an "out of office" automated message. Then I got an e mail from the school saying we should be able to log in and I was finally able to.

They no longer use letter grades. I hear in upper grades they use a 1-4 number system but in 1st grade they use a series of (ES, BS, etc.) that mean anything from "not grasping the concept at all" to "exceeding expectations of grasping the concept".

My son can read at the 3rd grade level and he only got "meets expectations" in the reading section. If he's reading at 3rd grade level, wouldn't he be exceeding expectations? I would really like him to get the credit he deserves. This online report card stuff feels so impersonal. Remember we used to get handwritten report cards with personal notes by the teacher like "It is a pleasure to have so and so in my class"?

So sad.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/100039.html

Finally caved and bought my son velcro shoes. We can fight the tying shoes battle later when he's older and (hopefully) more rational and willing to learn a way that actually works. He says he does it right but his shoes are constantly untied. I got tired of speaking to him every day about it and watching him walk out of his shoes because they weren't tied tight. Fuck it.

So now his pants keep falling down. I bought him a belt. Where is the belt? Hell if I know. But ever since he was a baby he's been too skinny for all the pants that are the right length, even the ones with the adjustable belt on the inside of the waistband. So fuck that too.

I forgot how much he gets on my nerves on Saturdays. It seems like my husband has had a lot of Saturdays off or he has been home really early because I can't remember the last time I had to spend a whole Saturday alone with my son. And those rubber band bracelets? I thought they were going to be easy. I was going to do one to show him how to do it and I can't do it. Does anyone have kids or friends' kids who do them? I bought him the "as seen on tv" loom. Now I'm noticing that Rainbow Loom is the original and most popular, but they all seem pretty much the same. Still, I can't figure it out. Whenever I'm only supposed to unhook one part of the band, the whole thing flies off and goes across the room. So (all together now), fuck that too.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/99114.html

Because it's too inappropriate for facebook (I've got family on there so I can't possibly be my real self, LOL) and too long for twitter, I'm sharing this story with you guys...although I know this isn't really the group of friends who'd appreciate it most, maybe you'll get a chuckle out of it.

All three of us were talking about Santa Claus and I said something like "Santa never brings me presents," and my husband said "That's because all you ever ask for is Joey McIntyre (from NKOTB) wearing a bow." (trying to keep it PG for the little one) And my son piped up and said "Yeah, he 'd be wearing it around his butt!" Then he thought for a minute and said "No...his penis!" and just started laughing hysterically.

And here we were trying to keep it clean for him!

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/98965.html

So, Sunday was my son's birthday party. As expected we only had 2 kids. Actually, we were expecting 3, but you know when kids say they'll come to the party and they never ask their parents. I think that's what happened with the girl around the corner. She said she was coming, but uhhh...forgot to give her mom a heads up about that. LOL

So I'm just a little pissed that only 2 kids out of the 20+ kids he invited came. He invited his whole class (19) and some kids on the bus (I'm not sure how many). Either my son is causing kids to not like him at school and no adults are giving me a heads up on this behavior, or people don't know how to read an invitation or RSVP.

My son won't tell me crap about his day. I trust (or I thought I did) his teacher, recess monitors and other adults at school to make me aware of any behavior problems that are hindering his social life. Because I'd understand if mostly boys came, or if a bunch of people said they can't make it, but nobody calling at all? We got two people who said they couldn't come. The two who came told me they would. It leads me to hope that most parents just didn't even call. I'd rather think the parents dropped the ball on this one, than think that nobody likes my son.

That's not to say that I'd be in denial if there were signs that my son wasn't making friends. I'd totally get on it and help him pick up some qualities kids look for in friends (fairness, sharing, taking turns being a leader). But like I said, he doesn't tell me anything is wrong and I'm not getting notices from the teacher.

Since we only had 2 moms at the party I got the chance to hear what they thought about the bomb threat a couple weeks ago. They both said they were happy with how it was handled. I still am not. I never again want to wait a half hour to find out if my son is okay (although I'm in for years of excuses for why he didn't call me to say he was where he was supposed to be) and then another half hour until he gets home. One mom said she found out it only took 3 minutes to evacuate the school which is pretty impressive considering they have kindergarten up to 5th grade. She pointed out that instead of calling us, they were caring for our kids and that most kids weren't scared, they just thought it was a fire drill (even though they walked to the middle school). I guess it was much scarier on our end than it actually was.

My son got his next karate belt, he's gradually going to join the bigger kids class since he just turned 7, and is soon signing up for the black belt club, where he gets a nice black uniform and some weapons like a bo stick and something called kamas, which are like small scythes (not real blades though). He gets to practice new moves and techniques with these weapons. We were going to wait until January to sign him up for this but we found out if we sign up in November we get a discount. We also signed him up for 2 years at karate. He really likes it and says he wants to stick with it forever. This is the best thing we have done for him, so far. He's learned a lot about discipline and self control (although sometimes he still has a ways to go!).

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/97061.html

It's not a new game, but I have been playing Telltale Games' The Walking Dead recently. Last night almost broke me though-I had to kill one of the kids in my group who was going to die, and turn. Well, we think he was going to die. We couldn't really risk it. It was horrible though.
edit: woops, I remember now, the kid was bit. So he would have died, but he was taking a terribly long time about it.

Another game Telltale Games does is called The Wolf Among Us. It's really good and it's quite like Once Upon a Time. A bunch of fairy tale and fantasy characters are living in the real world but they must stay cloaked so they appear to be regular people.

Both of these games are done in episodes and only the first episode of Wolf is out. The first season of the Walking Dead game is out, but I'm only on episode 3. I can't remember how many there are, maybe 4 or 5.

They're both heavily based on decisions you make. You have to pick sides and make hard decisions and the rest of the game play is affected by those decisions you make.

I had a big fight with my son this morning. Did I mention I hate fighting right before he goes to school? I hate it.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/96913.html

It's cold and I need things at Target but I don't want to go outside! LOL

I'm still really concerned about Josh's social life. It worries me that nobody ever asks for his phone number. Are these kids hanging out with other friends or are they really too young to be going over to other houses all the time? I don't really remember being 5, 6, 7. I guess if you don't live near your friends you don't really have time to go over. Most people have more than one kid, and do things on the weekend. Josh is already asking to have sleepovers with his friends and he's confused when I tell him the parents said they don't do sleepovers yet.

I hate to drone on about my son. I bore myself, sometimes. I just...worry. Like I said, this is what parents do. Even when everything is probably fine, it's our job to worry.

So my husband's grandparents are not doing well. Because his grandparents and parents both had their kids young, his grandparents are only in their 70's. Only 10 years or so older than my parents, which is weird to think about. But anyway, his grandparents have not been speaking to us for a long time. There is a rift between his grandparents and his parents so we have been speaking to his parents and not his grandparents. It's weird and a very long story. Anyway, for some reason his grandmother decided to finally call and tell us she and her husband have been in nursing homes for about a month. And then they tried to send his grandfather home, but he is frail and not all there mentally and couldn't get by in the house alone so he went back to a different nursing home. The place his grandmother is in is more like a hospital, because she had shoulder surgery, so that's why they are in different places, but now his grandfather wants to be in the same place as his wife (after initially vehemently disagreeing with this idea, which is weird, but whatever), so they are trying to get him into the place his grandmother is in.

This is a first for both me and my husband: I was too young to have anything to do with it when my grandparents were ailing. The only grandparent I really remember is my dad's mom, and I also remember her mom a bit, and I don't think either of them went into a home. My husband of course has not dealt with elderly relatives, either, since we don't talk to his father's side.

So I guess we are trying to be advocates for them, which was hard when they wanted different things, but now I hope that since they want to be in the same place, that we can help make that happen.

In other news, my son told me last night that he prays. My husband and I are not very religious--well, my husband isn't at all--although he used to practice Wicca he claims he doesn't believe in the whole god/goddess thing anymore and I've been dabbling in Wicca recently, so I wouldn't say I'm religious in the traditional way either. Anyway, when I was asking my son if he wanted to talk about anything at bedtime, he said "I want to talk about God." He pulled out a little bag of polished stones that his therapist gave him (to help with anger management) and put them in a circle on his pillow. "I make a circle with these and then I pray," he said. I asked him what he prays for. Does he ask for things or thank God for things, or what? He said, "I just say to God, I hope you're doing well and that you stay alive." (He believes God is a living thing.)

I have friends who are non-religious to varying degrees and they always say they have to stifle themselves if their kids start talking about God. I don't react this way. I think it's wonderful that he has come up with his own beliefs and his own ritual. I think that is much more wonderful than me teaching him something, and him just following it because that's what he was taught.

My son made me think about infinity last night. He said, "There has to be a god, because who made science? Before anything existed, who made it? Who made dust?" And I kept trying to think about how to explain that the universe (in one form or another) has always been here, but how do you explain forever to a 6 year old who doesn't quite understand the concept?

My head hurts.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/96328.html

I had a few things I wanted to post about last night and now I forget.

Oh yeah. Well, I'm concerned about my son. Again. I worry about his social skills. He says there is a group of kids he plays tag with at recess and there is this one girl who always calls time out when she is about to get tagged. So he tells me that he tells on her all the time. He tells the recess monitor that she's "not playing right" and the monitor tells the girl to play right and then she plays right.

I'm not a fan of tattling. I mean it has negative connotations, right? Tattling is when you tell on someone for something that isn't major. It's right to tell an adult if someone is bullying you or being mean or unfair and I guess that kind of crosses over into not playing a game right so it's not fair to the rest of the kids, but it just seems like, if you didn't like how someone was playing, you'd go find someone else to play with. I tried to tell him that he should try to work it out with the girl, or just not play with her, and he said "if tattling isn't right, then why is it a thing?" LOL

This stemmed from the fact that only 3 kids have rsvp'ed to his birthday party this coming weekend. He invited his whole class and some kids on his bus. I understand the kids on his bus maybe not wanting to come if they don't really know him. But his class? I am working with the hope that they're just waiting until the last minute to RSVP. But I worry that he's too bossy and controlling with his friends, like he is at home, and maybe that he's not really well liked. I think he is brillant and funny and worth knowing, but I am his mom. His friends might see that he's bossy and needs to have his own way and that just does not bode well with 6 year olds. Because he doesn't listen to me, I'm probably going to have to wait until the kids actually start telling him they don't like playing with him because he's bossy. That's going to hurt, but if he won't listen to me, what else can I do?

So I had a talk with him about making friends and I tried to get a feel for his social life at school and that's how the tag thing came up.

Now he wants to schedule out his entire birthday party. First of all he wrote a play and wanted his friends to act in it with him on his birthday. Well since the majority of the people he picked to be in this play said they aren't coming, that was a bust, and he didn't want to ask the people who are coming. This morning he told me he wanted to write a schedule and hand out copies. He wrote a song he wants to sing at his birthday and he wants everyone to know what time he'll be singing this song. I told him that he can just tell everyone when he's starting and that they'll come listen if they want to, but he wants to write a schedule and hand it out to everyone.

I just don't understand his love of rules and schedules, but when I try to stick him to a schedule at home he doesn't want any of it. I already know that when kids are at a party they don't want to be told what to do. They're there to play and have cake and have a good time. And I don't want him to be upset on his birthday so I was trying to let him know ahead of time that the kids might not be up for this whole schedule thing. But I have a feeling, like the making friends thing, that I am going to have to let him be let down in order for him to really get it. Or maybe they'll surprise me and love the schedule.

My heart just hurts for him. I want him to have friends, of course, and I want to help him be the kind of person people want to be friends with. But I watch him with his peers and I just cringe. He's much too stubborn and needs things to be his own way. I suppose it's a hard skill to learn, to compromise and think about what would make other people happy.

I think that when he gets older he might find more kids who are like him, but at this age most of them seem to be pretty happy go lucky and not as rigid as my son is. I hope that as he gets older he'll kind of grow into this personality and find something that will help him thrive. (I'm open to any ideas for hobbies or skills he might be good at...)

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/96091.html

I think the people at Target kept more things than I realized. All they gave me back were the clothes. I bought cereal and adhesive dots (to stick the wicks to the bottoms of my candles). I'm still pissed about the tomatoes. I don't understand why they only gave back half my things.

I didn't even bother going back today. I dropped off my son's homework that he left at home, and went to the bank to deposit the check my mom gave me a month ago for our anniversary. I'm really lazy about doing errands. I still have cans in my trunk that I need to return.

My son has early release today so I've got to be ready for that in a few minutes. We have things to do though--I was thinking of asking if he wants to take a walk with the dog--we haven't done that in forever. I have a couple things I recorded off the tv for him, and he might have homework or a project he wants to do.

Tomorrow my husband is getting Lasik surgery, so send out good thoughts for that, if you could. I hope it works and that he doesn't go blind. I haven't told my parents yet because I don't want to jinx it.

I heard a song the other day that is one of my favorite songs but kind of reminds me of an era that has passed. It makes me think about all the time I spend thinking about the past, thinking about people I've lost touch with. At least a couple times a week I think of the same 2 or 3 people and wonder if I should try to track them down, and then I wonder what good it would do to tell someone after years of not speaking, that you miss them, or think about them often. If we really cared for each other that much we wouldn't have lost touch in the first place. Right?

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/92822.html

Lest I think that we're completely out of the woods, my son screamed that I don't care about him and that I don't want him, because I said I'd help him correct his spelling in the book he's writing tomorrow, not right now.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/91466.html

It may have been the longest, hardest 4 years of my life (and he's not even a teenager yet!) but I think I may see the light at the end of it.

It started the day my son turned 3. We had a surprise party for him and he was so unhappy with that, that he refused to come inside where the guests were waiting for him. My sister in law went outside to talk to him and he eventually came in. It's not like he's shy. He doesn't like to be surprised because he has to approve of everything before he does it. I suggested a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner about 5 times last night, but he didn't actually want it until 10 minutes later when he came in and said "I'd like a ham and cheese sandwich." But I digress. That was the day when everything had to be His Way. And I have a couple people on my FL who capitalize things like that, and I'd like to thank you for that style because it signifies that something is Very Important without having to use ALL CAPS.

So anyway, that day was the beginning of His Way or no way. And it never stopped. I felt powerless, I felt like, how can I be a parent and teach this child morals and good behavior, if he won't even listen to me when I tell him it's time to brush his teeth? What am I going to do when he's spending nights at someone else's house, going to parties, driving without me, if he won't listen to me when he's standing right in front of me? I felt like a dream died, because I always envisioned having a nice relationship with my son, and him growing up to be loving and thoughtful and all I saw was this child who bosses around his elders and throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. The worst part was the people who told me it was normal. Worst of all my husband. I felt like I was in it alone. My husband would say to me in front of my son, "Some kids are like that", which gave my son a catch phrase and an excuse to keep misbehaving.

I took him to therapy. I let him go in there with her alone, because I wanted him to be able to talk about how mean I was, or That Unfair Thing I Did That Day, without me there. When I found out he was telling her he couldn't remember anything bad that had happened, I started going in there with him and I witnessed him go from barely talking to her, to drawing pictures with her and even coming up with the idea of drawing in a notebook at home to show her. I asked friends who specialize in child development what they thought of his behavior and they did think a lot of it was normal, but think things like having such a temper as he does wasn't quite acceptable for his age anymore. And his therapist is working through his temper and anger issues with him.

I was afraid he had learned it all from me. I'm not proud of the way I screamed back at him sometimes, the things I would say that I hope don't stick with him, the times I didn't know what to do except spank him and that didn't work either. I'm not proud.

Eventually though, I started noticing more thoughtful actions, more things that I'd been asking him to do for years that he was finally doing on his own. Sure, he still gets lost on his way to the bathroom, stops getting dressed in the middle to play with something, comes downstairs to talk to me after bedtime even though I've been telling him not to since he was old enough to understand (or so you'd think). He picks up after himself more, argues a little less. And it's not that I'm trying to get him to fall in any line. He's still my little oddball who likes to take walks in graveyards and talks to himself, makes up his own crazy complicated rules to games and says weird little morbid things. I just want him to know he should listen to his parents. Not about everything, but at least when we tell him to brush his teeth.

I hope he forgives me for the bad times, that he understands (even if it's not until he has his own kids) how much I was at a loss at times.

And my friends out there who have pre-teens, or teenagers, might laugh and say "Just you wait", but if there's a breather in between, even just a year or two, I'll take it.

Crossposts: http://becomingkate.livejournal.com/91288.html

as if I wasn't anxious enough about this playdate...(sorry for the font change, I copy pasted from somewhere else)

Am I horrible for not knowing the last name of the girl Josh is having a playdate with this afternoon? He's getting off the bus with her (same bus he usually takes, she lives just around the corner). Well I didn't know I was supposed to send in a note-I just told the bus driver that Josh would be getting off at her stop. The office called me because Josh told his teacher he was getting off the bus with her and I guess the teacher told the office. She said I needed to bring in a note and I said "It's the same bus" and she interrupted me and said it doesn't matter. So I said Okay I'll bring in a note, and she said no, I'll just take the information now. She asked who he was getting off the bus with and I told her the first name and she said "He's getting off the bus with someone and you don't know their last name?" Seriously, what would the difference be if I did? I know their address, phone number and the mother's name. And if Josh hadn't said anything to his teacher, nobody would have even known that he was getting off the bus with her, except the driver. Is there any reason the school needs to know, anyway? Is it a liability thing? What am I missing here? I mean, I wouldn't mind if she was just trying to educate me about the procedure but she was so snarky. Stuff like this ruins my day.

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