He likes to play a game in his head when we have a disagreement. He says he gets points whenever he challenges me. So I need to figure out how to turn that around.
No, YOU don't need to do anything about HIS behavior. HE needs to grow up and stop being a dick who thinks the right way to treat the woman he promised to love and partner with forever in front of witnesses is fucking making a game of stressing her and hurting her feelings, "scoring points" in debate with her instead of communicating effectively, gosh, like how you need to do to have a freaking adult relationship and a fucking kid together. That disgusts me. I'm sure he's got loads of sterling qualities hun because it's not like we get with them when they are 100% pure Douche but DAMN that bristles everything. I don't know enough about him or your interactions to say that I think he's abusive, but he sure as fuck is walking the line there.
He buys us tickets to events, never forgets our anniversary or Valentines Day or my birthday, goes crazy at Christmas time, buying things beyond our means.
Buying beyond means is irresponsible and creates more stress, not to mention feelings of obligation about Big Days(tm). And considering his lack of sensitivity and consideration otherwise, I wonder if it's more guilt than care.
Sweetheart Kate, you are so awesome and wonderful just the way you are and I love you. I know you're having a hard time and you're worried about your drinking but it's not the problem, it's something you're doing to cope with the problem. The problem is that you have an insensitive husband who doesn't care enough to sort his own behavior out, the primary responsibility for an active child without adequate emotional support or friends who are actual true friends and also can commiserate with you and help/advise/etc. re: children, you maybe/probably have Depression, and you feel isolated, lonely, and stretched beyond your limits. Fuck girl, I would drink and cry too. ETA that I know it's still A problem/worry, in that it's not a super healthy coping mechanism, but just, recognize this isn't that you're some weak drunkard who zomg just can't control yourself and will be a wino addict under a bridge tomorrow-- you do this because Reasons and Sads. Self-medicating makes you feel worse in the long run but in the heat of the moment when you know it's gonna feel a little better Right Now that's kind of hard to ignore/ pass up yeah?
I am wishing to the end of everything that somehow this is able to turn around for you. I'd like to give your hubs a smack with a wet fish. He's not pulling his weight on the emotional end of things.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2013-08-15 04:29 pm (UTC)No, YOU don't need to do anything about HIS behavior. HE needs to grow up and stop being a dick who thinks the right way to treat the woman he promised to love and partner with forever in front of witnesses is fucking making a game of stressing her and hurting her feelings, "scoring points" in debate with her instead of communicating effectively, gosh, like how you need to do to have a freaking adult relationship and a fucking kid together. That disgusts me. I'm sure he's got loads of sterling qualities hun because it's not like we get with them when they are 100% pure Douche but DAMN that bristles everything. I don't know enough about him or your interactions to say that I think he's abusive, but he sure as fuck is walking the line there.
He buys us tickets to events, never forgets our anniversary or Valentines Day or my birthday, goes crazy at Christmas time, buying things beyond our means.
Buying beyond means is irresponsible and creates more stress, not to mention feelings of obligation about Big Days(tm). And considering his lack of sensitivity and consideration otherwise, I wonder if it's more guilt than care.
Sweetheart Kate, you are so awesome and wonderful just the way you are and I love you. I know you're having a hard time and you're worried about your drinking but it's not the problem, it's something you're doing to cope with the problem. The problem is that you have an insensitive husband who doesn't care enough to sort his own behavior out, the primary responsibility for an active child without adequate emotional support or friends who are actual true friends and also can commiserate with you and help/advise/etc. re: children, you maybe/probably have Depression, and you feel isolated, lonely, and stretched beyond your limits. Fuck girl, I would drink and cry too. ETA that I know it's still A problem/worry, in that it's not a super healthy coping mechanism, but just, recognize this isn't that you're some weak drunkard who zomg just can't control yourself and will be a wino addict under a bridge tomorrow-- you do this because Reasons and Sads. Self-medicating makes you feel worse in the long run but in the heat of the moment when you know it's gonna feel a little better Right Now that's kind of hard to ignore/ pass up yeah?
I am wishing to the end of everything that somehow this is able to turn around for you. I'd like to give your hubs a smack with a wet fish. He's not pulling his weight on the emotional end of things.