Jan. 7th, 2014

becomingkate: (Default)
I'm feeling kind of bad for burning the bridges to my UU church relationships. Or lack thereof. LOL.

I'm still on facebook and many of my former acquaintances from said church are friends with me. None of them actually talk to me and that's where it gets awkward. Why am I still friends with these people? I got a friend request from someone who I knew at church and was part of the RE committee with me. I ignored it. Did he friend me to try to recruit me back? To ask me something? To finally ask why I left? I'm afraid to connect with any of these people now for fear that they'll try to draw me back to the church, where I really felt no connection and no friends. And it's funny, because it's not even one of those weird, recruity churches but I just felt so hounded after I was constantly asked if I was pledging, that I'm paranoid that that's the only reason any of these people would want to talk to me.

Then there's my son, who said he wanted to go back recently. Now I feel bad. "Can't you just drop me off?" he asked. I can't, really, because how weird is it to drop your kid off at church and not go yourself? LOL.

But it's very weird to want to, and yet, not want to respond to people who post things on facebook like the woman I thought I was friends with, who keeps saying we should get together but then makes no effort to. She asked if someone would be able to help entertain her daughter once in a while since her husband is a fisherman and is off on the boat for a few months now and she's feeling overwhelmed with the whole single mom thing, which I get. She's busy as it is. I wanted to respond, but would she want me to hang out with her daughter? She barely knows me. She probably has plenty of actual friends who she actually grabs coffee or lunch with, who her daughter actually knows and likes.

It's weird to see another former "friend" at karate and chit chat but never actually, you know, try to form a legit friendship. How do people do it? Am I really that boring? How do they know, when they never ask me a thing about myself? They don't know the first thing about the tv I watch, the music I like, what I enjoy doing with my son. What's so weird about me that they don't want to find out, and why do I feel like I have the social abilities of a 5 year old? Ask me if I like concerts. Plays. Musicals. Comedians. Good food. Museums. Coffeehouses. There is a real person in here. You just have to act interested enough to find out about her.

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becomingkate

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