becomingkate: (Default)
 My son got his class and teacher assignment, finally. He is getting the newly-hired 5th grade teacher and he's not terribly close with any of the boys in his class. He's not with his best friend which he's bummed about, but I do hope that not being so buddy-buddy with his classmates will help his focus.

I hope he doesn't get too discouraged with this placement. I hope that the new teacher works well with him.

Meanwhile, I also looked up my professors for the Fall, (ratemyprofessors.com is an awesome website) and it looks like the only one that might be a challenge is the astronomy. There are some funny reviews though, like "OMG I had to show up and study for this class" LOL. I'm a bit worried because a lot of people said that there was also online work for the astronomy class. But we will see. I have a pretty light schedule, with two weekdays of no classes at all, so I hope that will allow me the time I need.

I went back to Toastmasters last night and signed up to be a member. I'm a bit nervous but I think it will really help me. Last night was a comedic speech competition. Two guys from the group went and they were pretty good. I think it is hard to be funny during a rehearsed speech. I have no idea what I'd talk about. 
becomingkate: (Default)
I got a call earlier today from my son's doctor.  He has an appt. today and they were calling to tell me that the person we signed up to see (there are a few doctors and NP's all from the same practice there) wouldn't be in.  They reminded me that they sent out a letter in November saying I needed to reschedule, which I obviously forgot about.  What I wish is that someone had followed up with me sooner.  I'm especially irritated because my husband took a call confirming the appointment a couple days ago.

So now we have an appt. at 11 with a new doctor whom we've never seen, but I didn't want to reschedule because I've been needing this appt for months.  His birthday was in November and they couldn't fit me in until now. His behavior is driving me up the wall, and our relationship and interaction always being at odds is hurting his quality of life as well.

Also, I forgot that my husband has tomorrow off, because he has Mondays off and because today is MLK day he gets Tuesday off in observance of that.  So he'll be home during my interview tomorrow which I still haven't told him about.  I mean it's ridiculous that I haven't told him yet, but I kind of have this superstition about talking too much about something I'm working towards.  I'm afraid I'm going to jinx it, but I guess if that were true, it would already be jinxed because I announced it in my journal. 

*sigh*
becomingkate: (Default)
 I was just in the office and the phone rang.  It was my husband asking me to check when the milk expires, because he feels like crap.  I walked out of the office, and BOOM, it's snowing.  LOL.  I'm really glad I ordered boots for my son from zappos just now.  They should come in tomorrow.

The milk has not expired.

We went to my son's Christmas play last night.  It was really cute and they did a great job.  I didn't really like the story-it was essentially about a moose who wanted to fly and how Christmas is the time of miracles and in the end he did fly.  Like, really?  I was hoping it would be a message of "everyone has a different talent and well, moose can't fly, but maybe you could be a really good runner or something".  But no.  Miracles.  Okay then.  Not to mention the songbird who couldn't sing throughout the whole show and then all of a sudden she could.  

I mean yeah, it's first grade. It's not going to be a great story, LOL.

So I feel almost back to normal now, a week later.  In a day or two I might actually feel like walking on the treadmill again.  I'm afraid to look if I even lost weight, because I didn't have an alcoholic drink for the past week and that meant I didn't snack like crazy either, but when I did eat, I probably didn't make the wisest choices.  I had this weird hope that I'd lose a bunch of weight, but that's unrealistic.  

I watched OUAT today (no spoilers), and I gotta say I really like the switcharoo that's going on.  I'm sad that it probably won't last long because it's nice to see them in these completely opposite roles.


becomingkate: (Default)
The more I think about my son's school the less happy I am about it.
Things that have peeved me off:
How the bomb threat was handled
How the secretary handled me when she called to ask for info on the girl my son was getting off the bus with that afternoon.  She criticized me for not knowing the girl's last name, instead of dealing with me kindly and getting the information she needed.  I mean if I tell you the girl's name is _____ and she's in my son's class, isn't it pretty easy to narrow that down, and don't you have her last name in your system?  Do you really have to chew me out instead of spending that energy to just, I don't know, look it up for me, and maybe tell me what it is so I know next time?

Their unclear letters about upcoming events. I have gotten letters about things that we've been to, that have not been like they were described in the letter home.  There was a gift bazaar a few days ago that said there were going to be volunteers to walk with your kids and help them pick out some cheap gifts for their family.  I ended up spending 25 dollars on two bamboo plants and having to look away when he bought me a necklace because I saw no volunteers who could help him buy me a gift.   I get unclear directions on how to sign up for things.  Plus we get a thousand papers home every week.  I love seeing my son's work but I really don't need to see every math sheet or every handwriting practice he ever did.  

The report card system: they sent a letter home about reports cards being ready yesterday and gave an e mail address for troubleshooting.  I was unable to log in to the report card page so I sent a message to the e mail which immediately sent an "out of office" automated message.  Then I got an e mail from the school saying we should be able to log in and I was finally able to.

They no longer use letter grades.  I hear in upper grades they use a 1-4 number system but in 1st grade they use a series of (ES, BS, etc.)  that mean anything from "not grasping the concept at all" to "exceeding expectations of grasping the concept".

My son can read at the 3rd grade level and he only got "meets expectations" in the reading section.  If he's reading at 3rd grade level, wouldn't he be exceeding expectations?  I would really like him to get the credit he deserves.  This online report card stuff feels so impersonal.  Remember we used to get handwritten report cards with personal notes by the teacher like "It is a pleasure to have so and so in my class"?  

So sad.
becomingkate: (Default)
 Finally caved and bought my son velcro shoes.  We can fight the tying shoes battle later when he's older and (hopefully) more rational and willing to learn a way that actually works.  He says he does it right but his shoes are constantly untied.  I got tired of speaking to him every day about it and watching him walk out of his shoes because they weren't tied tight.  Fuck it.

So now his pants keep falling down.  I bought him a belt.  Where is the belt?  Hell if I know.  But ever since he was a baby he's been too skinny for all the pants that are the right length, even the ones with the adjustable belt on the inside of the waistband.  So fuck that too.  

I forgot how much he gets on my nerves on Saturdays.  It seems like my husband has had a lot of Saturdays off or he has been home really early because I can't remember the last time I had to spend a whole Saturday alone with my son.  And those rubber band bracelets?  I thought they were going to be easy.  I was going to do one to show him how to do it and I can't do it.  Does anyone have kids or friends' kids who do them? I bought him the "as seen on tv" loom.  Now I'm noticing that Rainbow Loom is the original and most popular, but they all seem pretty much the same.  Still, I can't figure it out.  Whenever I'm only supposed to unhook one part of the band, the whole thing flies off and goes across the room.  So (all together now), fuck that too.




becomingkate: (Default)
 Because it's too inappropriate for facebook (I've got family on there so I can't possibly be my real self, LOL) and too long for twitter, I'm sharing this story with you guys...although I know this isn't really the group of friends who'd appreciate it most, maybe you'll get a chuckle out of it.

All three of us were talking about Santa Claus and I said something like "Santa never brings me presents," and my husband said "That's because all you ever ask for is Joey McIntyre (from NKOTB) wearing a bow."  (trying to keep it PG for the little one)  And my son piped up and said "Yeah, he 'd be wearing it around his butt!"  Then he thought for a minute and said "No...his penis!" and just started laughing hysterically.

And here we were trying to keep it clean for him!
becomingkate: (Default)
 So, Sunday was my son's birthday party.  As expected we only had 2 kids.  Actually, we were expecting 3, but you know when kids say they'll come to the party and they never ask their parents.  I think that's what happened with the girl around the corner.  She said she was coming, but uhhh...forgot to give her mom a heads up about that.  LOL

So I'm just a little pissed that only 2 kids out of the 20+ kids he invited came.  He invited his whole class (19) and some kids on the bus (I'm not sure how many).  Either my son is causing kids to not like him at school and no adults are giving me a heads up on this behavior, or people don't know how to read an invitation or RSVP.  

My son won't tell me crap about his day.  I trust (or I thought I did) his teacher, recess monitors and other adults at school to make me aware of any behavior problems that are hindering his social life.  Because I'd understand if mostly boys came, or if a bunch of people said they can't make it, but nobody calling at all?  We got two people who said they couldn't come.  The two who came told me they would.  It leads me to hope that most parents just didn't even call.  I'd rather think the parents dropped the ball on this one, than think that nobody likes my son.

That's not to say that I'd be in denial if there were signs that my son wasn't making friends.  I'd totally get on it and help him pick up some qualities kids look for in friends (fairness, sharing, taking turns being a leader).  But like I said, he doesn't tell me anything is wrong and I'm not getting notices from the teacher.

Since we only had 2 moms at the party I got the chance to hear what they thought about the bomb threat a couple weeks ago.  They both said they were happy with how it was handled.  I still am not.  I never again want to wait a half hour to find out if my son is okay (although I'm in for years of excuses for why he didn't call me to say he was where he was supposed to be) and then another half hour until he gets home.  One mom said she found out it only took 3 minutes to evacuate the school which is pretty impressive considering they have kindergarten up to 5th grade.  She pointed out that instead of calling us, they were caring for our kids and that most kids weren't scared, they just thought it was a fire drill (even though they walked to the middle school).  I guess it was much scarier on our end than it actually was.  

My son got his next karate belt, he's gradually going to join the bigger kids class since he just turned 7, and is soon signing up for the black belt club, where he gets a nice black uniform and some weapons like a bo stick and something called kamas, which are like small scythes (not real blades though).  He gets to practice new moves and techniques with these weapons.  We were going to wait until January to sign him up for this but we found out if we sign up in November we get a discount.  We also signed him up for 2 years at karate.  He really likes it and says he wants to stick with it forever.  This is the best thing we have done for him, so far.  He's learned a lot about discipline and self control (although sometimes he still has a ways to go!).



becomingkate: (Default)
It's not a new game, but I have been playing Telltale Games' The Walking Dead recently.  Last night almost broke me though-I had to kill one of the kids in my group who was going to die, and turn.  Well, we think he was going to die.  We couldn't really risk it.  It was horrible though.
edit: woops, I remember now, the kid was bit.  So he would have died, but he was taking a terribly long time about it.  

Another game Telltale Games does is called The Wolf Among Us.  It's really good and it's quite like Once Upon a Time.  A bunch of fairy tale and fantasy characters are living in the real world but they must stay cloaked so they appear to be regular people.  

Both of these games are done in episodes and only the first episode of Wolf is out.  The first season of the Walking Dead game is out, but I'm only on episode 3.  I can't remember how many there are, maybe 4 or 5.  

They're both heavily based on decisions you make.  You have to pick sides and make hard decisions and the rest of the game play is affected by those decisions you make.

I had a big fight with my son this morning.  Did I mention I hate fighting right before he goes to school?  I hate it.
becomingkate: (Default)
 It's cold and I need things at Target but I don't want to go outside!  LOL

I'm still really concerned about Josh's social life.  It worries me that nobody ever asks for his phone number.  Are these kids hanging out with other friends or are they really too young to be going over to other houses all the time?  I don't really remember being 5, 6, 7.  I guess if you don't live near your friends you don't really have time to go over.  Most people have more than one kid, and do things on the weekend.  Josh is already asking to have sleepovers with his friends and he's confused when I tell him the parents said they don't do sleepovers yet.

I hate to drone on about my son.  I bore myself, sometimes.  I just...worry.  Like I said, this is what parents do.  Even when everything is probably fine, it's our job to worry.

So my husband's grandparents are not doing well.  Because his grandparents and parents both had their kids young, his grandparents are only in their 70's.  Only 10 years or so older than my parents, which is weird to think about.  But anyway, his grandparents have not been speaking to us for a long time.  There is a rift between his grandparents and his parents so we have been speaking to his parents and not his grandparents.  It's weird and a very long story. Anyway, for some reason his grandmother decided to finally call and tell us she and her  husband have been in nursing homes for about a month.  And then they tried to send his grandfather home, but he is frail and not all there mentally and couldn't get by in the house alone so he went back to a different nursing home.  The place his grandmother is in is more like a hospital, because she had shoulder surgery, so that's why they are in different places, but now his grandfather wants to be in the same place as his wife (after initially vehemently disagreeing with this idea, which is weird, but whatever), so they are trying to get him into the place his grandmother is in.

This is a first for both me and my husband: I was too young to have anything to do with it when my grandparents were ailing.  The only grandparent I really remember is my dad's mom, and I also remember her mom a bit, and I don't think either of them went into a home.  My husband of course has not dealt with elderly relatives, either, since we don't talk to his father's side.

So I guess we are trying to be advocates for them, which was hard when they wanted different things, but now I hope that since they want to be in the same place, that we can help make that happen.

In other news, my son told me last night that he prays.  My husband and I are not very religious--well, my husband isn't at all--although he used to practice Wicca he claims he doesn't believe in the whole god/goddess thing anymore and I've been dabbling in Wicca recently, so I wouldn't say I'm religious in the traditional way either.  Anyway, when I was asking my son if he wanted to talk about anything at bedtime, he said "I want to talk about God."  He pulled out a little bag of polished stones that his therapist gave him (to help with anger management) and put them in a circle on his pillow.  "I make a circle with these and then I pray," he said.  I asked him what he prays for.  Does he ask for things or thank God for things, or what?  He said, "I just say to God, I hope you're doing well and that you stay alive."  (He believes God is a living thing.)

I have friends who are non-religious to varying degrees and they always say they have to stifle themselves if their kids start talking about God.  I don't react this way.  I think it's wonderful that he has come up with his own beliefs and his own ritual.  I think that is much more wonderful than me teaching him something, and him just following it because that's what he was taught. 

My son made me think about infinity last night.  He said, "There has to be a god, because who made science? Before anything existed, who made it?  Who made dust?"  And I kept trying to think about how to explain that the universe (in one form or another) has always been here, but how do you explain forever to a 6 year old who doesn't quite understand the concept?

My head hurts.
becomingkate: (Default)
 I had a few things I wanted to post about last night and now I forget.

Oh yeah.  Well, I'm concerned about my son.  Again.  I worry about his social skills.  He says there is a group of kids he plays tag with at recess and there is this one girl who always calls time out when she is about to get tagged.  So he tells me that he tells on her all the time.  He tells the recess monitor that she's "not playing right" and the monitor tells the girl to play right and then she plays right.

I'm not a fan of tattling.  I mean it has negative connotations, right?  Tattling is when you tell on someone for something that isn't major.  It's right to tell an adult if someone is bullying you or being mean or unfair and I guess that kind of crosses over into not playing a game right so it's not fair to the rest of the kids, but it just seems like, if you didn't like how someone was playing, you'd go find someone else to play with. I tried to tell him that he should try to work it out with the girl, or just not play with her, and he said "if tattling isn't right, then why is it a thing?" LOL

This stemmed from the fact that only 3 kids have rsvp'ed to his birthday party this coming weekend.  He invited his whole class and some kids on his bus.  I understand the kids on his bus maybe not wanting to come if they don't really know him.  But his class?  I am working with the hope that they're just waiting until the last minute to RSVP.  But I worry that he's too bossy and controlling with his friends, like he is at home, and maybe that he's not really well liked.  I think he is brillant and funny and worth knowing, but I am his mom.  His friends might see that he's bossy and needs to have his own way and that just does not bode well with 6 year olds.  Because he doesn't listen to me, I'm probably going to have to wait until the kids actually start telling him they don't like playing with him because he's bossy.  That's going to hurt, but if he won't listen to me, what else can I do?

So I had a talk with him about making friends and I tried to get a feel for his social life at school and that's how the tag thing came up.

Now he wants to schedule out his entire birthday party.  First of all he wrote a play and wanted his friends to act in it with him on his birthday.  Well since the majority of the people he picked to be in this play said they aren't coming, that was a bust, and he didn't want to ask the people who are coming.  This morning he told me he wanted to write a schedule and hand out copies.  He wrote a song he wants to sing at his birthday and he wants everyone to know what time he'll be singing this song.  I told him that he can just tell everyone when he's starting and that they'll come listen if they want to, but he wants to write a schedule and hand it out to everyone.

I just don't understand his love of rules and schedules, but when I try to stick him to a schedule at home he doesn't want any of it.  I already know that when kids are at a party they don't want to be told what to do.  They're there to play and have cake and have a good time.  And I don't want him to be upset on his birthday so I was trying to let him know ahead of time that the kids might not be up for this whole schedule thing.  But I have a feeling, like the making friends thing, that I am going to have to let him be let down in order for him to really get it.  Or maybe they'll surprise me and love the schedule.

My heart just hurts for him.  I want him to have friends, of course, and I want to help him be the kind of person people want to be friends with.  But I watch him with his peers and I just cringe.  He's much too stubborn and needs things to be his own way.  I suppose it's a hard skill to learn, to compromise and think about what would make other people happy.  

I think that when he gets older he might find more kids who are like him, but at this age most of them seem to be pretty happy go lucky and not as rigid as my son is.  I hope that as he gets older he'll kind of grow into this personality and find something that will help him thrive.  (I'm open to any ideas for hobbies or skills he might be good at...)

becomingkate: (Default)
 I think the people at Target kept more things than I realized.  All they gave me back were the clothes.  I bought cereal and adhesive dots (to stick the wicks to the bottoms of my candles).  I'm still pissed about the tomatoes.  I don't understand why they only gave back half my things.

I didn't even bother going back today.  I dropped off my son's homework that he left at home, and went to the bank to deposit the check my mom gave me a month ago for our anniversary.  I'm really lazy about doing errands.  I still have cans in my trunk that I need to return.

My son has early release today so I've got to be ready for that in a few minutes.  We have things to do though--I was thinking of asking if he wants to take a walk with the dog--we haven't done that in forever.  I have a couple things I recorded off the tv for him, and he might have homework or a project he wants to do.

Tomorrow my husband is getting Lasik surgery, so send out good thoughts for that, if you could.  I hope it works and that he doesn't go blind.  I haven't told my parents yet because I don't want to jinx it.

I heard a song the other day that is one of my favorite songs but kind of reminds me of an era that has passed.  It makes me think about all the time I spend thinking about the past, thinking about people I've lost touch with.  At least a couple times a week I think of the same 2 or 3 people and wonder if I should try to track them down, and then I wonder what good it would do to tell someone after years of not speaking, that you miss them, or think about them often.  If we really cared for each other that much we wouldn't have lost touch in the first place.  Right?
becomingkate: (Default)
 Lest I think that we're completely out of the woods, my son screamed that I don't care about him and that I don't want him, because I said I'd help him correct his spelling in the book he's writing tomorrow, not right now.
becomingkate: (Default)
 It may have been the longest, hardest 4 years of my life (and he's not even a teenager yet!) but I think I may see the light at the end of it.

It started the day my son turned 3.  We had a surprise party for him and he was so unhappy with that, that he refused to come inside where the guests were waiting for him.  My sister in law went outside to talk to him and he eventually came in.  It's not like he's shy.  He doesn't like to be surprised because he has to approve of everything before he does it.  I suggested a ham and cheese sandwich for dinner about 5 times last night, but he didn't actually want it until 10 minutes later when he came in and said "I'd like a ham and cheese sandwich."  But I digress.  That was the day when everything had to be His Way.  And I have a couple people on my FL who capitalize things like that, and I'd like to thank you for that style because it signifies that something is Very Important without having to use ALL CAPS.

So anyway, that day was the beginning of His Way or no way.  And it never stopped.  I felt powerless, I felt like, how can I be a parent and teach this child morals and good behavior, if he won't even listen to me when I tell him it's time to brush his teeth?  What am I going to do when he's spending nights at someone else's house, going to parties, driving without me, if he won't listen to me when he's standing right in front of me?  I felt like a dream died, because I always envisioned having a nice relationship with my son, and him growing up to be loving and thoughtful and all I saw was this child who bosses around his elders and throws a fit when he doesn't get his way.  The worst part was the people who told me it was normal.  Worst of all my husband.  I felt like I was in it alone.  My husband would say to me in front of my son, "Some kids are like that", which gave my son a catch phrase and an excuse to keep misbehaving.

I took him to therapy.  I let him go in there with her alone, because I wanted him to be able to talk about how mean I was, or That Unfair Thing I Did That Day, without me there.  When I found out he was telling her he couldn't remember anything bad that had happened, I started going in there with him and I witnessed him go from barely talking to her, to drawing pictures with her and even coming up with the idea of drawing in a notebook at home to show her.  I asked friends who specialize in child development what they thought of his behavior and they did think a lot of it was normal, but think things like having such a temper as he does wasn't quite acceptable for his age anymore.  And his therapist is working through his temper and anger issues with him.  

I was afraid he had learned it all from me.  I'm not proud of the way I screamed back at him sometimes, the things I would say that I hope don't stick with him, the times I didn't know what to do except spank him and that didn't work either.  I'm not proud. 

Eventually though, I started noticing more thoughtful actions, more things that I'd been asking him to do for years that he was finally doing on his own.  Sure, he still gets lost on his way to the bathroom, stops getting dressed in the middle to play with something, comes downstairs to talk to me after bedtime even though I've been telling him not to since he was old enough to understand (or so you'd think).  He picks up after himself more, argues a little less.  And it's not that I'm trying to get him to fall in any line.  He's still my little oddball who likes to take walks in graveyards and talks to himself, makes up his own crazy complicated rules to games and says weird little morbid things.  I just want him to know he should listen to his parents.  Not about everything, but at least when we tell him to brush his teeth.

I hope he forgives me for the bad times, that he understands (even if it's not until he has his own kids) how much I was at a loss at times.

And my friends out there who have pre-teens, or teenagers, might laugh and say "Just you wait", but if there's a breather in between, even just a year or two, I'll take it.
becomingkate: (Default)
as if I wasn't anxious enough about this playdate...(sorry for the font change, I copy pasted from somewhere else) 

Am I horrible for not knowing the last name of the girl Josh is having a playdate with this afternoon? He's getting off the bus with her (same bus he usually takes, she lives just around the corner). Well I didn't know I was supposed to send in a note-I just told the bus driver that Josh would be getting off at her stop. The office called me because Josh told his teacher he was getting off the bus with her and I guess the teacher told the office. She said I needed to bring in a note and I said "It's the same bus" and she interrupted me and said it doesn't matter. So I said Okay I'll bring in a note, and she said no, I'll just take the information now. She asked who he was getting off the bus with and I told her the first name and she said "He's getting off the bus with someone and you don't know their last name?" Seriously, what would the difference be if I did? I know their address, phone number and the mother's name. And if Josh hadn't said anything to his teacher, nobody would have even known that he was getting off the bus with her, except the driver. Is there any reason the school needs to know, anyway? Is it a liability thing? What am I missing here? I mean, I wouldn't mind if she was just trying to educate me about the procedure but she was so snarky. Stuff like this ruins my day.
becomingkate: (Default)
 When I spoke to my son's teacher a few days ago I asked her about playdates and how she handles getting kids' numbers to each other.  She said she's open to passing along notes to childrens' parents with a phone number or a way to contact the other parent.  She doesn't like kids passing around phone numbers without the parents' permission.  So the next day I asked my son if he'd like me to send a note to anyone and he named a girl in his class.  I wrote a note to her parents and not long after he got off the bus yesterday the phone rang.  It was his little friend and she asked for my son and they chatted on the phone for a while.  It was very cute, and eventually I got her mom on the phone and we planned for my son to get off the bus with her today after school. 

I'm nervous! They live just around the corner and I suppose this won't be the last time he has a friend whose parents I haven't met.  The mom sounded very nice though and said that she has two older boys who always have friends over so her house is kind of like "the party house" (which will have a less positive meaning when the kids are teenagers, lol).  So I guess around the time he should be getting to her house, I'll give them a call and plan to come pick him up at a certain time. 

I have social anxiety so I'm glad that I don't have to go over there and make small talk with the mom, but I'm still kind of flaking out about this.
becomingkate: (Default)
I think I'm due for an extra long mental health candle working tomorrow. Sigh. I just can't deal with the arguing and the inconsistencies anymore.  I actually walked outside today after a big meltdown.  I thought I shut the door behind me but I looked back and it was open, and our dog, bless his heart, was just standing there looking at me.  Normally he would have bolted.  

I said about 2 years ago that I wanted to write up a list of basic parenting guidelines we should follow, like how to react when he needs to be punished, how to deal with it when he won't eat dinner, etc.  We never got around to making that list, and we still have issues when it comes to these topics, and more.  I don't know how to get our shit together.  I'm really at a loss.  

I watched the last episode of Derek today, not realizing it was the last one.  For some reason I thought there was more than one season out.  I sobbed through the whole thing, took a breather and went back for more and realized that was it.  Bummer!
becomingkate: (Default)
 I forget what brought about this conversation but my son said if he didn't exist, nothing would change.  I told him that even if you don't think so, you have changed someone's life.  I pointed out the girl who had no friends in K who he hung out with. Then I said, what about the kids you try to help in class, who don't know as much as you do?

I will always try to teach him that even if he thinks nobody cares, there is always someone out there who has benefited from his existence.
becomingkate: (Default)
 Plumber is supposed to be here between 8 and 10 to hook up the new dryer and also look at the ice machine which seems to be not working all of a sudden.  It's almost 9:30.  

Seriously, I don't get what's so great about these plumbers and other utility workers, hell even the dryer delivery guys, that they feel like they don't need to call and let people know when they're going to be there, if they're going to be late, etc. etc.  I guess it's because we need them.  We can afford to put a whole day on hold so we have a working dryer and ice machine again.  And I shouldn't be whining anyway.  What is he holding me back from doing? Going to Target and the library.  Big whoop.

EDIT! Whoops! They are going to CALL today, to tell us what time they'll be here tomorrow.  My husband just called to tell me that.  Well, that's good then.

So I talked to a couple people online about my son last night. They had some recommendations for specialists he could go see, based on some of his odd behavior.  One of the women I talked to, who is part of my parenting group on facebook, is a speech language pathologist and while her specialty has nothing to do with what I'm concerned about, she was concerned that he goes from 0 to 60 so quickly in terms of his temper.  From me asking him to brush his teeth, to a little whining, to me asking gently again, to a full blown tantrum where he calls me rude and stupid and tears his curtains off the wall.  (Yes, I'm going to keep using that example even though it only happened once.  It symbolizes all the other destructive behavior.)  Meanwhile I'm trying to curtail my own temper and impatience, because I'm sure he learned it from me and if I back off a bit then we can rule out the possibility that he's just mirroring my behavior.  And that's what I'm afraid of, that we'll find out that his behavior is all learned and that I've turned him into an asshole for life.  I'll just hand him a check for therapy now, if that's the case.

So here's a rundown of the morning, this is a typical morning as far as all the resistance goes:
He woke me up at 7, pitched a fit when I asked him to let me sleep for 15 more minutes, threw a pillow and a bunch of clothes at me.  Got sent to his room for 6 minutes (a minute for every year of his age)

Went downstairs, had waffles for breakfast, no argument there.  He found a card game we haven't played in months because it's so ridiculously complicated nobody wants to play it but him.  We bought it for him on the ipad instead, so he remembers how to play it but I don't.  I say, let's wait for dad and we can all play it together tonight.  I say we have to get dressed anyway, let's go.  He threw another fit.

Once upstairs, he lets me know that when he woke up at 6 he was angry that my husband had gone to work early and took the ipad with him so he had nothing to do while waiting until 7 to wake me up.  (nevermind the books and arts and crafts materials, notebooks, crayons, toys, etc.) He had pulled the sheets off his bed in his anger.  So now he has to make his bed (which he does anyway, but it's all over the floor now).  I help by putting the mattress pad and fitted sheet back on.  He says "I wish you'd help me and I said I did. He says, "You didn't do anything!" I explain to him what I did  to help and I'm met with silence.  He makes his bed.  

Then I ask him to put back all the books on the floor. I'm in the bathroom and I ask if he put socks on yet, forgetting that he wasn't even dressed yet.  I'm not so kindly reminded I'M NOT DRESSED YET! followed by crying because I'm asking him to do too many things at once.  Finally his room is half clean (I stopped him so he'd have time) and he's dressed.  We go downstairs and I ask him to put his shoes on.  GROAN.  "Now can we play the card game?" Nope, you took so long to do everything upstairs that now we don't have time.  More protesting and crying.

Finally out to the bus, he says it's more fun when dad takes him to the bus, because he can run around with him.  I cannot run because of some physical issues and I remind him that I wish I could run but I was born like that.  He says "It must have been hard, when you were a kid."  I say yes it was.  The bus comes and he turns to me and says, "I'm sorry you can't run."  I say "I am too."  And he gets on the bus.

At least today it ended in my tears, not his.
becomingkate: (Default)
 I hate when my son and I fight right before school.  He said he wanted to practice karate with me, which I was thrilled about because he doesn't usually like to practice at home.  We had fun until he was doing blocks and I thought he was doing it wrong so I was trying to explain to him how I thought he should do it.  Like if I'm coming in to hit him from the left he should block with his left arm, but he was saying no, all he had to do was swing his right arm over.  I don't think that's correct.  So of course we got into a little disagreement and he was showing me how he thought he should do it.  I went to pick up his backpack off the table and he started screaming at me that I wasn't listening and that I wasn't letting him show me.  I never took my eyes off him.  I simply picked up his backpack because it was time to go wait for the bus.  He threw something at me, I yelled back at him, I told him, I never told you to stop showing me how to do it and he was just not letting it go.  Like I was supposed to stand there and let him miss the bus while he tells me how I'm wrong and he's right.

The same thing happens every night where he just expects to be able to throw himself around and we should just bow down to him.  I tell him that there's no more discussion and questions after I go downstairs and yet every night he comes downstairs with something that is absolutely not essential and then I'm the bad guy for reminding him that he's not supposed to be on the stairs asking questions after I put him to bed.  Is that unreasonable?  Does that mean I don't love him?  No, it means there is a cutoff point in the day where you don't come downstairs telling me that tomorrow after school you want to watch a movie or that something REALLY funny just happened and I absolutely must hear it right now.  Things like that wait until the morning.  It doesn't matter how mad I get, what I tell him I'm going to take away if he doesn't listen to me, he's still calling me every night, and sometimes I think I'm in the clear because he waits like an hour after I've gone downstairs, and then there's something he absolutely must tell me.  

I swear, this is because I did that evil no cry sleep solution when he was a baby.  Maybe if he'd learned to deal with it early on he wouldn't still think it's okay to demand that I stay at his beck and call until he falls asleep.  I laid with him, sometimes even fell asleep with him, sat on his floor, kept a hand on him until he fell asleep, sat outside the door, all so he'd know that I'm still there, and now, now he's almost 7 and he still won't just go to sleep.  Oh, if only I could have seen that coming.

Sometimes I worry that I'm expecting too much.  Sometimes he's so wise beyond his years, I don't even know what goes on in his head.  How he can be so mature about some things and then not be able to follow the simple direction to not come talk to me about non-crucial things when it's bedtime.  If he was scared or something I'd understand.  But he just wants to come talk.  He comes home and won't talk to us, but then at 9 pm he wants to talk.  It makes no sense.

So then I'm left with a shitty start to the evening, or a shitty start to the day when we fight before school, and he just goes and forgets about it and the same thing happens again.
becomingkate: (Default)
 I feel so blah. I'm realizing how much weight I'm gaining when my clothes don't fit anymore.  I'm constantly tugging down my shirt or hiking up my pants and trying to adjust my posture so I don't look fat, or worse, pregnant.  Ugh.  I've really got to move around more often.  It's really sad that there's a treadmill in the house and I don't use it.

I had a draining day, not because I was busy but because I spent 4 hours at a kid's birthday party and hardly spoke to anyone.  I didn't know anyone.  They had nothing to do to entertain the parents while the kids played in the bouncy house.  I mean I don't expect a party for the parents but if the party is at the residence there better be something, at least a magician so the parents can kind of enjoy that.  Not just sit and watch the kids play outside.  We've had parties at the house, but they were 2 hours.  

I took my son to the family therapist today and he told her he thinks I should see "someone like her" ie a therapist. LOL.  So even my son thinks I'm the one with the issues.  He is sort of opening up to her, but when he gets home he tells me "some kids are like this, mom" like there's nothing he can do to adjust his behavior, and I know there is, because he doesn't misbehave for anyone but us and occasionally my MIL.

He said "When you punish me I love you a little bit less every time" and "punishing doesn't work so you shouldn't do it".  Ha!  If I didn't care, I wouldn't do it.  I would probably just leave.  But I care, and I want this kid to grow up right so I keep trying.  I keep telling myself one day he'll understand.  If he's still speaking to me by then.




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