becomingkate: (Default)
I went to my cousin's baby shower yesterday. It was fun! Everything went wrong on my way up, but ended up fine. First of all I went looking for those big bags that keep things hot or cold. I went to Target and couldn't find any. So I bought some bags of ice and just planned to put them around the food in my trunk and cover it all with a blanket. I went to pick up the food platters I ordered at the restaurant/market I last worked at, which is a challenge for me to even walk into because of the memories and circumstances that led me to quit there (it was all timed around the era of J). I am still embarrassed about how I left that place. Thankfully nobody recognized me, and if they did they didn't say anything. I spoke to both the FOH and BOH manager.

So what happened was, they lost my order. They put it in the wrong week of orders. So they had to make the charcuterie and dessert trays on the fly. I sat and waiting and the man sitting next to me tried to make conversation. So already I was practically tapped out for social interactions and I hadn't even gotten to the party.

The platters came out beautifully and everyone raved. They make their own meats and desserts, and have an excellent variety of cheeses. But I was running late already and that set me back about half an hour. Then I got stuck in traffic. I got there around noon when I really wanted to get there at like 10:30. But everything went fine after that.

 At social events, I wish I had an assistant (preferably Emily Blunt from The Devil Wears Prada, sans cold) who would whisper in my ear when people approach. "That is so and so, she is so and so's wife." That would be brilliant. Because I hate standing next to people, making conversation and then finding out who they are and wishing I had said something else. I mean, I also wish people had the courtesy, if it's been years since I've seen them, to come up and say, "Kate! I don't know if you remember me, I'm..." and reintroduce themselves. Because yes, it is easy for them to remember me since they have known me since I was little, and knew my mom, and watched me grow up. They are not as significant to me. I feel like I would hurt their feelings if I said I'm sorry, I don't remember who you are.

I am just relieved I at least recognized mom's hairdresser (a close friend of the family) and was able to thank her for doing mom's hair during her illness. That meant a lot to my mom. 

It just sucks living a couple hours away from that part of the family. It's a pain to come up, it's a pain to get back, I'm out of the loop most of the time. 

In other news, I just remembered that I had a dream about an ex boyfriend a couple nights ago. It was funny because I was talking with my husband and I don't know how it came up but the decision to marry him came around and I said something like "Well, it was you or Z." And my husband laughed.

It really did come down to the two of them. When I met my husband, I had already been dating Z for a while. I guess I had known Z for about a year. When it got more serious with my husband, I was making pro/con lists like it was my job. And I went with my head. It was more practical to exclusively date my husband. Z was more of a free spirit and I wasn't sure what kind of future he would hold. Although my husband also got off to a rocky start with jobs, I could tell he was more sensible and responsible than Z. However I know from facebook stalking (don't judge me) that Z is more into the issues that I stand for than my husband is. Mental health, equal rights, etc.

So anyway I dreamed that I ran into Z somewhere and I said to him, "I was just talking about you the other day!" LOL.

Oh yes, I forgot. I'd had a couple drinks one night and I made my journal public. I think my LJ journal is still friends locked, though.
becomingkate: (Default)
I'm feeling kind of bad for burning the bridges to my UU church relationships. Or lack thereof. LOL.

I'm still on facebook and many of my former acquaintances from said church are friends with me. None of them actually talk to me and that's where it gets awkward. Why am I still friends with these people? I got a friend request from someone who I knew at church and was part of the RE committee with me. I ignored it. Did he friend me to try to recruit me back? To ask me something? To finally ask why I left? I'm afraid to connect with any of these people now for fear that they'll try to draw me back to the church, where I really felt no connection and no friends. And it's funny, because it's not even one of those weird, recruity churches but I just felt so hounded after I was constantly asked if I was pledging, that I'm paranoid that that's the only reason any of these people would want to talk to me.

Then there's my son, who said he wanted to go back recently. Now I feel bad. "Can't you just drop me off?" he asked. I can't, really, because how weird is it to drop your kid off at church and not go yourself? LOL.

But it's very weird to want to, and yet, not want to respond to people who post things on facebook like the woman I thought I was friends with, who keeps saying we should get together but then makes no effort to. She asked if someone would be able to help entertain her daughter once in a while since her husband is a fisherman and is off on the boat for a few months now and she's feeling overwhelmed with the whole single mom thing, which I get. She's busy as it is. I wanted to respond, but would she want me to hang out with her daughter? She barely knows me. She probably has plenty of actual friends who she actually grabs coffee or lunch with, who her daughter actually knows and likes.

It's weird to see another former "friend" at karate and chit chat but never actually, you know, try to form a legit friendship. How do people do it? Am I really that boring? How do they know, when they never ask me a thing about myself? They don't know the first thing about the tv I watch, the music I like, what I enjoy doing with my son. What's so weird about me that they don't want to find out, and why do I feel like I have the social abilities of a 5 year old? Ask me if I like concerts. Plays. Musicals. Comedians. Good food. Museums. Coffeehouses. There is a real person in here. You just have to act interested enough to find out about her.
becomingkate: (Default)
 Well, that just made it worse.

I e mailed the principal about the secretary bitch.  Basically I just wanted to get it off my chest.  Guess who called later.  The principal.  I HATE talking on the phone, especially if I'm not expecting it.  So I just kind of told him again what happened and how I felt and he offered to talk to the secretary and have her call me and I'm like OH GOD NO and I just said, you know, I don't need an apology, I just wanted you to know, in case other people call to complain, that it's not just an isolated incident.

God I just feel all sorts of dumb now.  My husband is going to pick up our son from his friend's house, so I don't have to have any more awkward interactions today.  I think I'm done for a while.

Ha...I went to tag this "social anxiety is a bitch" and didn't even realize I already had a social issues tag.  


becomingkate: (Default)
 When I spoke to my son's teacher a few days ago I asked her about playdates and how she handles getting kids' numbers to each other.  She said she's open to passing along notes to childrens' parents with a phone number or a way to contact the other parent.  She doesn't like kids passing around phone numbers without the parents' permission.  So the next day I asked my son if he'd like me to send a note to anyone and he named a girl in his class.  I wrote a note to her parents and not long after he got off the bus yesterday the phone rang.  It was his little friend and she asked for my son and they chatted on the phone for a while.  It was very cute, and eventually I got her mom on the phone and we planned for my son to get off the bus with her today after school. 

I'm nervous! They live just around the corner and I suppose this won't be the last time he has a friend whose parents I haven't met.  The mom sounded very nice though and said that she has two older boys who always have friends over so her house is kind of like "the party house" (which will have a less positive meaning when the kids are teenagers, lol).  So I guess around the time he should be getting to her house, I'll give them a call and plan to come pick him up at a certain time. 

I have social anxiety so I'm glad that I don't have to go over there and make small talk with the mom, but I'm still kind of flaking out about this.

Doubt

Jun. 5th, 2013 09:53 am
becomingkate: (Default)
 You know those days when you're working towards a goal and then all of a sudden you're like, can I even do this if it does happen? Is getting there more exciting and productive than the actual achievement of the goal?

I dunno, I was just at the nkotb concert and as always, social events like that tend to solidify the fact that I have no social skills at all.  I'm okay with H, who I talk to on twitter all the time and she talks non-stop so even if I did have nothing to say to her, she'd fill the gaps (and does, anyway).  But I was with H, and we ran into two girls I met on one of the cruises who also know H, I think it was the 2012 one, although I may have briefly seen them on the 2011 cruise.  I had no idea what to say to them.  It didn't help that I don't know if those girls even like me or not.  You know when people you know are friends with people who don't like you...you're not sure which side they're on.  They seem perfectly nice but then again they didn't exactly try to strike up a conversation with me either.  It was just kind of awkward and of course H was talking on and on with some other girl and I was like please, just get me out of here.

And it got me wondering, how am I going to handle it if, by some miracle, I do end up doing this cookbook with Danny?  It's going to be a huge deal and I'm going to run into lots of people who don't actually like me but are going to kiss up to me because they want to be involved in a cookbook with Danny.  And I've just never really been in that situation before.  I've always been the one it's okay to ignore because I'm not important.  People don't need to be on my good side to gain anything, I'm just kinda neutral with everyone until they do me wrong and then I just don't talk to them anymore.  Easy.  I have a feeling if this cookbook thing does happen I'm going to get caught up in exactly the same politics and gossip that I am trying to distance myself from right now.  

Of course, I'm getting ahead of myself.  I don't even know if the cookbook is going to happen.  I bet if it does, he's going to do it through Remember Betty and I could be a part of it but there's no way I'd be the only fan involved.  So it's probably not going to be as huge as I'm making it out to be, but I still wish I was more socially adept so I could at least handle making small talk with someone I don't know anything about.

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