My so-called friends
Aug. 6th, 2009 08:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
becomingkateWhat do you do when a friend of yours doesn't make herself available to you anymore? We used to have deep conversations. She used to want to know everything about me. And then she just stopped asking questions. She bitches about everything and doesn't have time for me anymore. She's always hanging with someone else, or dealing with some kind of family issue. It's not fair, because I, of very few friends, am still trying to hang on...
I suppose I wouldn't care so much if I weren't also quite physically attracted to her. I used to also love her mind, how she was daring, and thoughtful and creative, but lately, all those traits have just turned into "a little crazy" to me. She's a little too carefree with her kids. It makes me afraid to bring my own son over because not only do I have to keep an eye on him, but also on her two small children. They think it's okay to lead my 2 and a half year old son close to the street just because it's okay for them to wander that close. The 5 year old girl says It's okay Kate, and I want to say NO IT IS NOT OKAY, I AM THE ADULT HERE.
She's always too busy at the drop of a hat. We could have a dinner date planned for weeks and all of a sudden a "little family issue" takes precedence. I don't want to take priority over her family, of course, but there are times when you have to say "I already have plans, can this wait?"
It's enough to make me think she does it on purpose, that I was too candid with her a few times when I had a couple to drink, and now she just wants to get away, maybe in an effort to let me step back and cool off, but at the same time maybe she doesn't want to, because her kids like mine, or because she deep down likes me, or because she's lonely. She seems to have other friends but I wonder if she does the same thing with them.
Attraction is a powerful thing. It can make you forgive almost anything. It can make my heart skip a beat when she says she's fighting with her husband again and as I try hard, but not too obviously, to be there and hang on her every word, in hopes she'll want to return the favor, I feel like a teenager again, trying to impress that guy who is just a little bit out of my league. The chase is almost more exciting than the capture. But I have a feeling the capture would be pretty exciting too.
I suppose I wouldn't care so much if I weren't also quite physically attracted to her. I used to also love her mind, how she was daring, and thoughtful and creative, but lately, all those traits have just turned into "a little crazy" to me. She's a little too carefree with her kids. It makes me afraid to bring my own son over because not only do I have to keep an eye on him, but also on her two small children. They think it's okay to lead my 2 and a half year old son close to the street just because it's okay for them to wander that close. The 5 year old girl says It's okay Kate, and I want to say NO IT IS NOT OKAY, I AM THE ADULT HERE.
She's always too busy at the drop of a hat. We could have a dinner date planned for weeks and all of a sudden a "little family issue" takes precedence. I don't want to take priority over her family, of course, but there are times when you have to say "I already have plans, can this wait?"
It's enough to make me think she does it on purpose, that I was too candid with her a few times when I had a couple to drink, and now she just wants to get away, maybe in an effort to let me step back and cool off, but at the same time maybe she doesn't want to, because her kids like mine, or because she deep down likes me, or because she's lonely. She seems to have other friends but I wonder if she does the same thing with them.
Attraction is a powerful thing. It can make you forgive almost anything. It can make my heart skip a beat when she says she's fighting with her husband again and as I try hard, but not too obviously, to be there and hang on her every word, in hopes she'll want to return the favor, I feel like a teenager again, trying to impress that guy who is just a little bit out of my league. The chase is almost more exciting than the capture. But I have a feeling the capture would be pretty exciting too.
